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Old 28th February 2009, 20:44   #21
juliejtp
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Re: A few more jokes.

Why do koalas carry their babies on their back?
A: Because they cant push a pram up the tree!

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Old 28th February 2009, 20:48   #22
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Smile Re: A few more jokes.

I have green skin, three tongues,five arms,and one eyeball.
What am I?
"VERY UGLY"!

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Old 28th February 2009, 20:51   #23
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Re: A few more jokes.

Talking of baby Koala's.

Attachment 61

Picture taken by an Aussie friend a few weeks ago. Aaaaaaaah

Steve.

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Old 28th February 2009, 20:57   #24
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Re: A few more jokes.

What a cutie!

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Old 1st March 2009, 17:32   #25
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Re: A few more jokes.

Hi

Why did the boy bring the ladder to class?
Because he wanted to go to high school.

This man went to the doctors
"I am like a bat out of hell" he said "it is terrifying me"
The doc says "You took the words right out of my mouth there as I could sense that when you walked in. You need a new medicine which is actually a food".
The patient says "I would do anything for recovery but I wont do that".
"Wont do what" replied the doctor
Get better by eating meatloaf.

Ben

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Old 2nd March 2009, 21:05   #26
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Re: A few more jokes.

What was ancient animal keeper Noah's trait?
He liked things that were state of the ark.

What do you call a woman with butter on her head?
Marge.

What do you call a man with meat and veg on his head?
Stu.

This poor man came from a broken home.
The windows, chimmney pot and front walls were cracked.

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Old 12th March 2009, 11:25   #27
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Re: A few more jokes.

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"

HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"

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Old 12th March 2009, 11:26   #28
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Re: A few more jokes.

The kindergarten children were instructed at the beginning of the year that if they ever felt sick at school, they should go the office and tell Mrs. Long, the school secretary.

One day, a little boy came rushing into the office and ran to Mrs. Long's desk. He then vomitted all over her desktop. When he had finished, he looked up at her and said with great relief, "I made it!".

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Old 12th March 2009, 11:28   #29
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Re: A few more jokes.

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots.
Pilot’s complaints marked with a "P”.... Solutions made by maintenance engineers are marked with an "S".

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.............

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

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Old 12th March 2009, 11:47   #30
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Re: A few more jokes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveHam9 View Post
It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots.
Pilot’s complaints marked with a "P”.... Solutions made by maintenance engineers are marked with an "S".

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.............

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
LOL, so funny.

Steve.

<----- www.familyhistory.uk.com FHUK member researching ancestor names: ----->
Ives, Stevens, Burgess, Graham, Williams, Moore, Shepperd, King, Allen, Gomme, Cummings, Smith.
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