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Old 1st June 2013, 10:07   #1
p.risboy
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The male replies.

I saw this on another web site, and thought it funny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, the man has taken the time to write his side of the story.

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note.. These are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sport on the television. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work !
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1 . 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit We have no idea what mauve i s.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.. Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

If you are a man, I hope you can have a laugh.

If you are a woman, I hope you can have bigger laugh.

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Last edited by p.risboy; 1st June 2013 at 13:15.
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Old 2nd June 2013, 10:24   #2
Guy
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Re: The male replies.

Yes it has been doing the rounds of forums and mailing lists for a number of years.
Cheers
Guy

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Old 5th June 2013, 05:15   #3
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Re: The male replies.

Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. WRONG!


But they invented the GPS for a reason I bet Columbus had a compass and a GPS is a modern take on a compass.

And it was probably a man who invented it cause a woman wouldnt invent something she had no need for.

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Old 6th June 2013, 09:32   #4
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Re: The male replies.

Mmm Steve's not biting

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Old 1st March 2017, 17:28   #5
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Re: The male replies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gibbo View Post
Mmm Steve's not biting
And I'm still not biting.

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Old 1st March 2017, 18:44   #6
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Re: The male replies.

Can I just point out that most, if not all, of those statements work both ways.
Nine times out of ten it's called flattering a man's ego.

Emeltee

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Old 1st March 2017, 18:44   #7
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Re: The male replies.

And there's me thinking Columbus looked at the stars?
Still he couldn't go wrong once he'd passed good old Blighty?

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Old 1st March 2017, 20:12   #8
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Re: The male replies.

A few more to add to the list Steve, for the women to read.

1 When you ask us men to do a job, don't ask questions when we are trying to work out the best way to do the task in hand.

2 Please try not to do a running commentary when we are watching TV or I am trying to do genealogy on the internet. Dead people are more interesting.

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Old 1st March 2017, 21:02   #9
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Re: The male replies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by emeltee View Post
Can I just point out that most, if not all, of those statements work both ways.
Nine times out of ten it's called flattering a man's ego.

Emeltee
Absolutely MLT.....but it's more like 10 out of 10.

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Old 8th March 2017, 18:48   #10
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Re: The male replies.

A few more to add, sorry could not resist.

1. When you bring up a subject you have spoken about endless times before, do not get hurt when you get the "Not this again" look.

2. Please do not be offended with a grunt from us before midday, when I have woken fully I will have all the charm of Stephen Fry and you will have my unremitting attention.

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